When you’re new to living in Italy there are some new habits to learn, either to do yourself or just get used to others doing. As a long-term expat I’ve learnt to love Italy’s unique ways.
You might have been introduced to Italy via the internet, seduced by photos and then fallen in love with the country on your first visit. But, like any new relationship, consider what life will be like when you move in? Are there any annoying habits that you might find hard to adjust to, or adorable quirks to adopt yourself?.
Your dreams of Italian life may revolve around dining on delicious cuisine, with stylish Italians, on a romantic vine covered terrace, overlooking a spectacular view. However, one day you might wake up on a plastic sun lounger, in the middle of a renovation project, with your elderly Italian neighbour calling loudly over the wall. While feeling slightly irritated about being woken up by shouting, you’ll realise that this is born of kindness when he enthusiastically thrusts a big bag of homegrown tomatoes in your hand.
You are in Italy, and have committed to creating a beautiful home in a land which suddenly seems very different to back home.
Not only is the landscape and architecture different, the people are different too. Previously, your experience of Italian people may have been in restaurants, bars and other tourist establishments. In these places you are paying them for their hospitality. In those situations, it is them who will be trying to tolerate your strange foreign ways, such as using a knife with your spaghetti and asking for a “latte” (which in Italian is simply milk)
Settling in
After buying a property in Italy, you will need to develop relationships with the locals and work out who you can trust. Like anywhere else in the world, there will be those who have a nasty habit of trying to charge you as much as they think they can get away with. However, over time you will find the really lovely people, who genuinely want you to feel welcome and at home.
In order to settle into the local community, it helps to be aware of some of the behavioural habits that you may encounter. Obviously, they don’t apply to all Italians, and there will be differences depending on age and part of the country. These are some that I noticed when I first moved here.
Find homes in Italy via our property portal.
Staring
Italy is great for people watching! People make an effort to look stylish, and they do. The other side of which is that, especially in small towns and villages, you will get looked at too. People generally don’t consider it rude to look a person up and down, or discuss you in the street. It’s nothing personal! They are probably just trying to guess your nationality or are amazed how tall you are. As you get to know people the novelty will wear off.
Not stopping
Some Italian drivers have a problem with pedestrian crossings and stop signs, considering them to be merely a suggestion. However, if you try and cross not on a crossing, and make polite eye contact with the driver, they are usually more likely to stop.
It seems to stem from a stubbornness about being told what to do. They want you to know they have chosen to stop out of the kindness of their own heart, not because they were told to.
Parking right by the shop
I personally prefer to park on the other side of the supermarket car park or in a quiet road and walk to the shop. However, for many Italians the challenge is to park as close to the shop door as possible. Even if it means double parking or on the pavement.
Kiss or handshake?
For some nationalities signs of affection between friends in public feels uncomfortable. But in Italy, it’s a behavioural habit used all the time. Friends who meet in the street will kiss on both cheeks and have a hug too. Even a group of friends meeting up will do this with every member as they arrive, and also when they leave. On the other hand, men might prefer a high hand grip or hand shake instead.
It should be noted that it’s not a big slobbery kiss on the cheek, more a light touch of cheeks. Head to the right first, touch left cheeks, followed by touching right cheeks. When you are in Italy, don’t go rushing in to kissing everyone though. This is not something people do when first meeting, cheek kissing is reserved for friends around the same age. Everyone else gets a hand shake.
Gesturing
Living in Italy, communication goes beyond words. Body language and hand gestures are a behavioural habit seen everywhere, and it is a key part of any lively conversation. Italians use their hands to emphasise a point. It has become such a strong habit, you will see some people still gesturing even when they are on the phone. It is fascinating to see the flair and drama it adds to a conversation.
One of the most seen gestures is pinching the fingers of one hand. It can convey exasperation and mean “What?”, “Why?” or “Where?” depending on the context. If someone reaches out their hand to you with the palm facing downward and moves it up and down, they want you to come to them.
However, before rushing to use hand gestures yourself you should make sure you get them correct. Otherwise, you could be mistaken for making an impolite gesture. There may also be regional variations, so watch which ones the locals use.
Being late
It is part of normal behaviour in Italy for people to arrive late and for public events to start late. When meeting someone, it is not considered rude at all to turn up 20 minutes late. I used to arrive early at summer events and concerts, until I realised nothing ever starts on time and everyone turns up at least 30 minutes after it is due to start.
Despite knowing this, I still arrive on time, mainly because free street parking can get very busy very quickly if you arrive late. I prefer to park and have a leisurely stroll into the historic centre. The only events that tend to run on time are religious processions.
Living in Italy with new friends
Eating Late
If you turn up at a southern Italian restaurant at 7.30pm it will probably be closed. If a staff member is there, they might tell you to come back at 8.30pm. Even then, you are likely to be dining in an empty restaurant, until the Italians start arriving after 9pm. In the north of Italy, you may find earlier times, due to the evenings being slightly cooler.
Italian food and the people it is eaten with are always respected. Every bite is savoured and appreciated. However, don’t assume your favourite Italian dish will be on every menu, or that you’ll find foreign restaurants. Italians are proud that they use fresh local ingredients, to make delicious local dishes. They will talk passionately about the produce used and the work involved in creating a dish. Ask the waiters for the speciality of the area.
Cappuccino in the morning
Italians do make a habit of having a coffee in the local café every morning. Business people will also invite clients for a coffee. Traditionally cappuccino and other milky coffees are a breakfast drink, and aren’t drunk after 11am. In the afternoon Italians are more likely to have an espresso.
Although you might get a funny look from the barista, they are getting more used to foreigners asking for a milky coffee at other times of day. Just don’t ask for one after a meal. The idea of a milky drink after food, is considered bad for the digestion, while a coffee is good for the digestion.
Speaking loudly
If you hear people shouting in the street, don’t worry, they are probably just speaking loudly. If it is women’s voices, they might be having a conversation from balcony to balcony. And if it sounds like an argument, it’s likely to just be a group of old men having a discussion about a subject they feel passionate about. They will still be good friends afterwards.
Local dialects
There are 34 spoken languages and related dialects in Italy. Therefore, even if you learn Italian before you move here, you may not understand a word your elderly neighbour is saying. There can even be a difference from one town to the next. This is why it is better to ask directions from a young person, who will definitely speak Italian and more often than not, some English too.
Prefer to take cash
Shops in Italy are obliged to have the equipment to accept card payments and it is law that payments over €2,000, must be made by card. It is also obligatory that you are given a receipt for your purchase. Both you and the shop can be fined if you can’t produce it when asked by the police. This is why a supermarket assistant will call after you, if you walk away without waiting for your receipt.
However, for small purchases most sellers prefer cash and customers make a habit of carrying some at all times. You’ll find plenty of cash point machines (bancomat) that take foreign cards. Street kiosks, market stalls, cafes and gelato sellers will probably expect you to pay cash. It’s funny how many sellers state “Sorry, my card machine isn’t working” when you ask to use a card. When I see how little the local vegetable market seller charges me for a bag of vegetables, and I think about the work he puts in growing them, I believe he deserves every single euro.
Rounding down
Another habit I have noticed is rounding up and down at the till. There are still some very tiny cent coins, and no one likes fiddling around with them. Don’t be surprised if you aren’t given the few cents change. It works the other way too. If your bill comes to a little over, they are likely to not be worried if you don’t have the small coins to give them.
Pay after
In most cafes I have visited in Italy, you order your coffee either at the bar or at the table, and someone brings it to you. What feels odd at first is that you don’t pay until after you have finished your drink and are ready to leave. Then you can go to the till with your receipt and pay. A busy city bar may be different. Plus, if you want a gelato to take away, you might be asked to pay first, then show your receipt to the person serving the gelato. While an Italian is happy to eat a gelato in the street they generally don’t walk and eat with other food, but prefer to sit or stand at the bar.
In cities with a lot of tourists there is likely to be an additional table service charge added to your bill. Always ask to see the prices and whether there is a table service charge, before sitting down. I got caught out in Florence, where the displayed prices were for take-away and to sit down was much more expensive.
Kindness to regular customers
When you use a seller frequently over time, you may find them showing their appreciation by joyfully announcing they have given you a discount or putting some extra vegetables in your bag. We now know several sellers and tradespeople who have a habit of giving regular customers good prices or extra items. Most Italians are very loyal to their local family businesses and I have tried to adopt that habit. However, when a foreign store is offering a much better price it is very tempting to go there.
Wherever you shop, if someone does try to overcharge you, always make it clear you know the price is too high and walk away. Us Brits tend to be too polite and embarrassed, so we pay, then grumble about it when we get home.
In fact, some expats have a reputation for grumbling about a lot of things, from the way Italians drive to tradespeople not turning up. While these things are irritating, you do have to learn to relax and get used to it. People aren’t going to change their habits overnight, just because a foreigner arrives and says it’s wrong. Most Italians are very friendly, with a great sense of humour. Therefore, don’t let the irritating behavioural habits of a few overshadow your enjoyment of making new friends among the others when you’re living in Italy.
